351. A true bro isn’t afraid to make a middle-finger promise, acknowledging, “If we break this, i’m fucked.”
352. Being too cool to text back might make you too cool to get laid.
353. Don’t confuse teen angst with depression. Relax, give yourself time to grow out of it.
354. There’s a little truth behind every “jk.”
355. There’s a pretty big difference between being kind and being walked on, bro.
356. Forgiving your bros doesn’t mean you should give them the opportunity to do the same thing twice.
358. You don’t have to be a jerk to be popular, despite what they tell you in ’80s movies.
359. If your relationship status says “it’s complicated,” you aren’t fooling anyone. Change it to “single.”
360. People are usually way more sorry that they got caught than they are that they did it.
361. “A true bro will take the bus with you when the Escalade breaks down.” -Broprah Winfrey
362. The world isn’t a battlefield. You can’t live life being at war with everyone around you.
363. The more you focus on how big of a dick you have, the more she’ll focus on how big of a dick you are.
364. Liking all of someone’s Facebook pictures will get you blocked, not laid.
365. All day, every day.
366. Turning 18 doesn’t mean you get to upgrade “dating” every person you meet to “getting engaged to” every person you meet.
367. Be able to read between the lines. Sometimes, “taking a break” is just someone’s excuse to bang somebody else.
368. Spending today complaining about yesterday won’t make tomorrow any better.
369. There’s no “I” in “threesome,” but there is in “fivesome.”* The moral? It’s up to you to go big.
* There’s also one in “winning.”
370. Don’t waste your time waiting on someone who wouldn’t wait for you.
371. “Ex” is short for “example.” Your ex is an example of someone who isn’t good for you.
372. With great swagger comes great responsibility.
373. If your girlfriend’s name is at all similar to your mom’s, change it in your phone. There are some texts your mom doesn’t need to read.
374. Some of the best moments in life come from doing things that scare you the most.
375. If you’re lucky enough to have one good person, don’t blow it by going after all the bad ones.
376. Occasionally, “fucking” isn’t the appropriate modifier.
377. If you see your bro with his girlfriend, telling him to “get some” might hurt the cause.
378. Don’t become too busy seizing the day to seize the night as well.
379. Photoshopping “deep” song lyrics onto a trashy picture still makes it a trashy picture.
380. It is your duty as a bro to make fun of another bro’s stupid tattoo.
381. You can tell a lot by someone’s Facebook likes. Sleep and Bob Marley? Stoner. Nutella and Harry Potter? Tumblr kid.
382. What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas. What happens at the party will end up on Youtube. Make good decisions.
383. Lashing out at people after you do something stupid, unfortunately, makes you look more stupid.
384. If you’re waiting for someone to text you back, sending “…” isn’t going to make them want to respond any sooner.
385. If you keep digging up someone’s past, you’ll eventually find yourself in a hole you can’t get out of, bro.
386. Wasting your time getting involved with someone else’s relationship < going and getting your own.
387. People aren’t impressed when you purposely rev your engine as you drive by.
388. It’s up to you to decide who’s important enough to be worth the stress.
389. Tanning is chill, but being orange doesn’t really work for anyone not living in a chocolate factory.
390. If you’re debating breaking up, face it, you want to break up. Rip off the band-aid.
391. Never forget to delete the contents of your camera before you loan it out to someone else.
392. Your bros don’t want you to lecture them all the time.
393. Make sure you know how many curse words are in a song before you listen to it with your parents.
394. Keep your bros close, and your haters closer.
395. Be up front. Nobody should always have to guess whether or not you’re mad at them.
396. Sometimes, bad decisions make good stories.
397. Don’t make promises when you’re in a good mood. It might not seem like that great of an idea the next day.
398. Her adding you on Facebook doesn’t automatically mean she wants to fuck you.
399. When looking at what you don’t have bums you out, remember what you do have.
400. Stick close to your best bros. Bros are like a family that you choose for yourself.