BroTips #351-400

351. A true bro isn’t afraid to make a middle-finger promise, acknowledging, “If we break this, i’m fucked.”

352. Being too cool to text back might make you too cool to get laid.

353. Don’t confuse teen angst with depression. Relax, give yourself time to grow out of it.

354. There’s a little truth behind every “jk.”

355. There’s a pretty big difference between being kind and being walked on, bro.

356. Forgiving your bros doesn’t mean you should give them the opportunity to do the same thing twice.

357. Exercise.

358. You don’t have to be a jerk to be popular, despite what they tell you in ’80s movies. 

359. If your relationship status says “it’s complicated,” you aren’t fooling anyone. Change it to “single.”

360. People are usually way more sorry that they got caught than they are that they did it.

361. “A true bro will take the bus with you when the Escalade breaks down.” -Broprah Winfrey

362. The world isn’t a battlefield. You can’t live life being at war with everyone around you.

363. The more you focus on how big of a dick you have, the more she’ll focus on how big of a dick you are.

364. Liking all of someone’s Facebook pictures will get you blocked, not laid.

365. All day, every day.

366. Turning 18 doesn’t mean you get to upgrade “dating” every person you meet to “getting engaged to” every person you meet.

367. Be able to read between the lines. Sometimes, “taking a break” is just someone’s excuse to bang somebody else.

368. Spending today complaining about yesterday won’t make tomorrow any better.

369. There’s no “I” in “threesome,” but there is in “fivesome.”* The moral? It’s up to you to go big.

* There’s also one in “winning.”

370. Don’t waste your time waiting on someone who wouldn’t wait for you.

371. “Ex” is short for “example.” Your ex is an example of someone who isn’t good for you.

372. With great swagger comes great responsibility.

373. If your girlfriend’s name is at all similar to your mom’s, change it in your phone. There are some texts your mom doesn’t need to read.

374. Some of the best moments in life come from doing things that scare you the most.

375. If you’re lucky enough to have one good person, don’t blow it by going after all the bad ones.

376. Occasionally, “fucking” isn’t the appropriate modifier.

377. If you see your bro with his girlfriend, telling him to “get some” might hurt the cause.

378. Don’t become too busy seizing the day to seize the night as well.

379. Photoshopping “deep” song lyrics onto a trashy picture still makes it a trashy picture.

380. It is your duty as a bro to make fun of another bro’s stupid tattoo.

381. You can tell a lot by someone’s Facebook likes. Sleep and Bob Marley? Stoner. Nutella and Harry Potter? Tumblr kid.

382. What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas. What happens at the party will end up on Youtube. Make good decisions.

383. Lashing out at people after you do something stupid, unfortunately, makes you look more stupid.

384. If you’re waiting for someone to text you back, sending “…” isn’t going to make them want to respond any sooner.

385. If you keep digging up someone’s past, you’ll eventually find yourself in a hole you can’t get out of, bro.

386. Wasting your time getting involved with someone else’s relationship < going and getting your own.

387. People aren’t impressed when you purposely rev your engine as you drive by.

388. It’s up to you to decide who’s important enough to be worth the stress.

389. Tanning is chill, but being orange doesn’t really work for anyone not living in a chocolate factory.

390. If you’re debating breaking up, face it, you want to break up. Rip off the band-aid.

391. Never forget to delete the contents of your camera before you loan it out to someone else.

392. Your bros don’t want you to lecture them all the time.

393. Make sure you know how many curse words are in a song before you listen to it with your parents.

394. Keep your bros close, and your haters closer.

395. Be up front. Nobody should always have to guess whether or not you’re mad at them.

396. Sometimes, bad decisions make good stories.

397. Don’t make promises when you’re in a good mood. It might not seem like that great of an idea the next day.

398. Her adding you on Facebook doesn’t automatically mean she wants to fuck you.

399. When looking at what you don’t have bums you out, remember what you do have.

400. Stick close to your best bros. Bros are like a family that you choose for yourself.

BroTips #301-350

301. You can’t get the best everything, but you can make the best of everything you’ve got.

302. Why are you texting when you’re on a date? You can go do that at home.

303. If you constantly try to top other people’s stories, you’re probably kind of an asshole.

304. Watch what you say, bro. There’s always a chance you’re on a three-way call.

305. If you can’t win an argument, correct their grammar instead. 

306. Most of the people who criticize what you’re doing are people who can’t do it themselves. 

307. There’s not much that can’t be fixed with duct tape.

308. There is, in fact, a such thing as a stupid question. There’s actually a lot of them. Don’t ask them. 

309. Change your ex’s name in your phone to help yourself get over them. It’s kind of hard to sext “aunt mildred.”

310. “Liking” thousands of facebook groups because “omg they’re so relatable!” will make people hate you.

311. Before logging onto the internet every day, brace yourself for hipsters hating hipsters for being hipsters. 

312. No one, I repeat, no one looks good making the duck face.

313. Quit whining about everything. No one wants to hear that.

314. Creeping for hours through the profiles of people you hate, thinking of how annoying they are < not doing that.

315. It’s difficult to either hate or idolize anyone once you really know them. 

316. Step it up on dates. Taking someone to Mcdonald’s over and over again will earn you the title of a “Mcboyfriend.”

317. Swagg is about personality, not materials. Don’t let the things you own, own you.

318. Just because they like the same obscure band as you doesn’t mean you’re soulmates. Think it through. 

319. There is such thing as being too old to have a facebook page.

320. If there’s one phrase everyone should be able to utilize, it’s “eh, fuck it.”

321. While bragging about your gpa, remember that it won’t save you from being punched. 

322. No one texts you at 3 a.m. “just to talk.”

323. Never go down without a fight.

324. Being passive-aggressive never helps anything, unless you wanted to seem like an asshole. 

325. Don’t fuck people over on your way to the top. You’ll see them again on your way back down.

326. You can’t turn a hoe into a housewife.*

*Or a player into a prince.

327. Sometimes it’s better to ignore people calling you trash than fire back and prove their point. 

328. You can never use too much soap.

329. If you’re having a hard time letting go, realize that if they wanted to stay, they’d still be there. 

330. It’s way more chill to think if the world not as seven billion strangers, but seven billion bros you haven’t met yet.

331. People aren’t going to let you use “I was drunk” as an excuse for everything.

332. When you think about it, any joke that ends in “you had to be there” is pretty much a waste of time. 

333. Dude, chill out on the internet. You can’t take back what you put up.

334. Telling someone you’re different doesn’t work nearly as well as proving it.

335. Haters are like crickets, bro. They’re loud when your back is turned, but watch how quickly they get quiet as you walk by.

336. If you can’t change you’re situation, change your attitude.

337. Don’t overthink it, dude. Sometimes “b” really is the answer to seven consecutive questions on an exam.

338. Being alone and being lonely are two different things. If you’re one, you don’t have to be the other.

339. Your problems can’t swim, bro. If you put them in a sea of swagg, they’ll sink to the bottom.

340. Learn body language: 1. Staring at your lips? Go for it. 2. Staring at the clock? Cut this one short.

341. No one gives a fuck how trashed you got last night.

342. Don’t say it if you don’t mean it.

343. Put your shirt back on and sober up. You don’t “do UFC,” you just watch MMA.

344. Your favorite team losing isn’t something to get angry about. You weren’t playing. Fucking relax. 

345. Be careful who you trust. Sometimes even your bros try to use you.

346. Everyone’s been through rough times, bro. Remember that it made you stronger.

347. “Whatever you are, be rad at it.” -Abroham Lincoln

348. The more “inside jokes” you post on Facebook, the more obnoxious you seem to everyone that has to read them.

349. Time doesn’t always change everything. Sometimes, it takes action.

350. Confessing your love for someone after dating them for a week? Sounds legit.

BroTips #251-300

251. Homophobia is pretty gay.

252. Bro, chill out. Nobody will care about any of this drama in a few weeks.

253. Remember, you want a wikipedia article written about you some day.

254. The higher the pedestal you put someone on, the higher the fall if they let you down.

255. Don’t let it break you. No matter how bad things get, life will go on.

256. Stop pretending like you’re in love when you’re just hooking up.

257. Before asking someone why they hate you, ask yourself why you even care.

258. It’s only awkward if you make it that way.

259. Procrastination is like masturbation: in the end you’re just fucking yourself.

260. It doesn’t matter who started it, as long as you finish it.

261. You were born with the ability to change someone’s life. Don’t waste it.

262. While the decision to get a tattoo is yours alone, consider how those stars on your hips will look when you’re eighty.

263. Proofread your texts, bro. There’s no bigger cock block than auto-correct.

264. The only thing as bad as dating a bro’s ex is dating an ex’s bro. You deserve what’s coming to you.

265. Keep your personal life personal. The only person that thinks default pics of you two kissing are cute is you.

266. You can spot a poser from a mile away.

267. Stop apologizing for the mess in your car. So what? You’re giving them a ride.

268. People who say, “nothing tastes as good as skinny feels,” have obviously never had bacon. 

269. “I’d rather have one and not need it, than need it and not have one*.” -Adele Brousseau *Applicable to guns, gps, and comdoms.

270. Don’t think you’re cool because you’re a bro. It should be the other way around.

271. If you only text someone when you need something, don’t text them at all.

272. Being able to admit you’re wrong is important, but so is standing up for yourself when you’re right.

273. Shoot for the moon. Even if you miss, holy fuck you’re in space.

274. You do you, bro. Trying to please everyone will leave no one happy.

275. While people judge you by what you’ve done, judge yourself by what you’re capable of doing.

276. If you keep having to figure out where you stand with someone, maybe it’s time to start walking instead.

277. Don’t do things you wouldn’t want everyone to find out about. They usually do.

278. Remember that your presence is a present. If someone doesn’t appreciate it, find someone that will.

279. The word “haters” begins with “ha” for a reason.

280. Let your past make you better, not bitter.

281. “Rad shit happens to people who can get through bad shit.” -Napoleon Bronaparte

282. You are not a toy for someone to play with, and no one is yours.

283. You’ve gotta like yourself before you worry about who else does, bro.

284. You’re probably not going to find the love of your life on craigslist. Use the internet wisely. 

285. Put the phrase “no homo” to rest.

286. There are two sides to every story, and they’re usually both wrong. Get all the facts first.

287. Don’t text something you wouldn’t say in person.

288. You can be the shit and know you’re the shit, but never say you’re the shit.

289. Common sense isn’t all that common.

290. A relationship that doesn’t work out the first time probably won’t work out the second time. Or the fifth.

291. If you meet someone who will love you regardless of how you treat them, don’t take advantage of it.

292. The longer you lie, the harder it will be to tell the truth.

293. Regardless of any “don’t” advice, try anything once.*

*Or twice, just to make sure.

294. If she hangs up on you, call her back. Trust me, bro, she probably still wants to talk.

295. Make shit happen. There are enough obstacles out there for you to not have to hold yourself back as well.

296. Drunkenly telling everyone at the party not to “judge you” will have adverse effects.

297. Don’t believe everything you hear.

298. You don’t hear, “it’s so hot when he wears his pants below is ass,” very often.

299. Putting a thousand dollar sound system in your three hundred dollar car isn’t something to brag about.

300. You don’t have to say “be right back” when you’re texting. Like, dude. You’re texting.

BroTips #201-250

201. Some of the prettiest people do the ugliest things.

202. Don’t believe everything you hear. There’s no way it’s ALWAYS their last piece of gum.

203. Know how to say “no.”

204. Don’t discriminate, bro. Color’s only skin deep.

205. Life will let you down. People will let you down. But food? Food will never let you down.

206. Read more books.

207. There isn’t an argument that can’t be won with a well-timed “cool story, bro.”

208. There are more people that look back wishing they had done something than there are that wish they didn’t.

209. Give it a shot, dude. You never know what (or who) is going to change your life.

210. Smile at your haters. You might as well be casting avada kedavra on them.

211. Less is more. You don’t need to upload 200 photos of you and your friends eating doritos.

212. Watch what you say. You might not be able to back it up.

213. It’s easier to make friends if you talk. Don’t be the guy with his phone out, pretending to text.

214. After mastering how to say “no,” remember how to say “yes.”

215. Clothing is optional. Deodorant is not.

216. If you don’t have anything nice to say, you should probably just shut the fuck up.

217. No alpha refers to himself as alpha.

218. “Trying to get everyone to like you is a sign of mediocrity.” -Some Dude

219. “Adfskfakf” < an actual response.

220. Never be afraid to risk looking stupid in order to do something awesome.

221. Two words can be worth a thousand. If someone looks at you and says, “just friends,” look back and say, “your loss.”

222. Nebulas and triangles won’t make you look cool after you log out of tumblr.

223. Save the making out until after the movie. Why did you buy a ticket to hook up with someone?

224. No matter how hard you work, always party harder.

225. Treat everything you do as if there’s no fucking way you can fail.

226. The difference between caring and clingy is one every bro should learn. 

227. Never let your swagger be temporary. Being rad is a full-time commitment.

228. Regret is way worse than rejection.

229. The only time “bro” and “bail” should be in the same sentence is if you bail your bro out of jail.

230. Karma’s a bitch. Especially if you are.

231. It’s impossible to make the same “mistake” twice. The second time, it’s called a decision. 

232. Be able to utilize the phrase, “where’s my hug?” It’s almost irresistible.

233. If your bro’s dating a hoe, it’s your duty to protect said bro from said hoe.

234. Treat your religion like your dick. Be proud of it, but don’t shove it down people’s throats.

235. Never pass up the opportunity to give a random and unprovoked compliment. 

236. If anyone trusts you enough to lean on you, don’t let them fall.

237. I’d hate to say it, but you probably can’t pull off a fedora.

238. Okay, bro. Everyone hates their hometown. What are you doing to make it better?

239. There’s always going to be an audience. Give them something to talk about.

240. If you don’t love someone, don’t lead them on. If you do, don’t hold anything back.

241. Everyone gets nervous, but not everyone can be a badass regardless. Be one of the few that can.

242. Don’t spend more time tweeting your life than you do living it.

243. A bro needing help isn’t a question of what; it’s a question of when.

244. It’s cool that you love your girlfriend and all, but that doesn’t mean you have to talk about it all freaking day.

245. Nothing’s impossible. That word is just an easy way to say something hasn’t been done yet.

246. Stfu and do it.

247. I can assure you, you look much cooler being who you are than whomever you’re trying to be.

248. Keep trying, bro. The best things in life are the ones you worked for.

249. Why are you upset? There’s so much to be happy about.

250. Always go big. Don’t even think about going home.

BroTips #151-200

151. “I’d rather be dissed for the bro that I am than brofisted for the bro that I am not.” -Kurt Brobain

152. If you want a chick, you’ve gotta accept that her friends come with the deal. Don’t talk shit about them.

153. Dude, sometimes “k” just means “okay.” If you respond with, “k means potassium,” you’re just going to look like an asshole.

154. If you’re about to text someone only to complain that they never text you, you should probably just say “hey” instead.

155. You’re way too cool to stress over your ex.

156. Posting ten depressing song lyrics in a row as facebook statuses will make people want to punch you, not feel sorry for you.

157. Hooking up is like a game, but if you find one that refuses to play, be careful, bro. You may fall in love with her.

158. To people that brag about knowing a band “before they were famous”: were you in the band before they were famous? No. Stfu.

159. They say it’s better to beg for forgiveness than ask for permission. When it comes to how you live your life, do neither. 

160. Why are you waiting for other people to validate you? The first person that should tell you you’re awesome is yourself.

161. Always keep a pair of sunglasses that you refer to as your “hater blockers.” Put them on whenever haters are around and you’ll see right through them.

162. You’ve gotta let go, bro. They call it your “first” love for a reason. There will be more.

163. Tweeting or posting vague status messages about someone doesn’t make you a badass. Man up and say it to their face.

164. Give props to your girl for making enough room in her heart for you AND her favorite band member.

165. Life’s freaking awesome, but not if you’re too afraid to enjoy it. Don’t be so afraid to leave your stoop, stoop kid.

166. If you’ve got time, give her a phone call. Texting is like, the handjob of conversational methods.

167. We all know someone that tries way too hard. Consider who they are, now consider if you’re anything like them.

168. If life’s getting to you, remember that “stressed” backwards is “desserts.”

169. No one is as unattractive as they think they are. Don’t worry about that, bro. A little confidence goes a long way.

170. There’s someone out there that looks up to you, so don’t just be a badass for yourself. Do it for the kids.

171. Don’t delete people you don’t like from your contact list. That way you’ll know not to answer when they call.

172. Do what you’ve been waiting to do, in case “someday” never comes.

173. Bros don’t let bros wear jean shorts.

174. You can kick ass. You can make excuses. But, you can’t do both.

175. Why not?

176. Axe is not an appropriate substitute for a shower.

177. Don’t treat your other half like they’re beneath you, bro. Two halves are equal.

178. What they say when they’re drunk may be what they’re thinking when they’re sober.

179. Never do anything you wouldn’t want to explain to the paramedics.

180. Apologizing doesn’t mean you’re wrong. It’s a bro’s way of saying “I care about this bromance more than my ego.”

181. She might not love you exactly how you want her to, but she probably loves you with all she’s got.

182. If she posts Taylor Swift lyrics about you, you’re either doing something really right or really wrong.

183. Bros that are single are just as rad as people in relationships. If you can be awesome with or without someone, represent.

184. Happiness is attractive. Brooding to be “dark and mysterious” isn’t cool, regardless of what you read in Twilight. 

185. Flirting with other girls on Facebook probably isn’t doing much for your relationship.

186. Don’t take anything for granted.

187. Refer to the number of this tip, and do that to your doubts.

188. Say her name more.

189. Driving is cool. Drinking is whatever. Doing both is never okay.

190. Chicks dig boyfriend sweaters.

191. There’s at least one person who likes you exactly for who you are.

192. Have a lesbian* friend. They know how chicks think, and understand the frustrations of dating them. *So applies to gay friends, for girls

193. When your girl asks you something like, “remember when I was fat?” Don’t respond. It’s a trap.

194. It’s okay to have an opinion, but that doesn’t mean you have to be a dick about it.

195. The more you say “i love you” and the more people you say it to, the less it means. Respect that shit, bro.

196. Don’t fall asleep around bros with sharpies.

197. If you’re old enough to vote, you’re too old to wear Abercrombie.

198. “Lol” doesn’t means they actually laughed out loud.

199. Girls love confidence. Girls hate cockiness.

200. Plan ahead. Arks are way easier to build before it floods than during.

BroTips #101-150

101. Relationships come and go. Your haters are replaceable. But bros are forever.

102. Don’t judge people by their music. Unless they listen to Nickelback.

103. Nothing says “classy” quite like pictures with your middle finger up.

104. Girls don’t like “jerks”. Stop saying that. There’s a lot more to the guys they date than that label. They like rad guys. That’s okay. You’re rad.

105. Stop for a second and consider this: you can literally do whatever the fuck you want.

106. High fives are an acceptable form of agreement, and brofists might as well be legal contracts.

107. Be the rock your bros can lean on and they’ll do the same. No one is strong all of the time, but together you’ll get through it.

108. Three things you should avoid talking about at all costs: 1. politics 2. religion 3. fight club

109. Drunk texts may be notorious, but never underestimate the potential humiliation of sleep-texting.

110. Don’t be on of those people who are so “manly” they fear having emotions; fear is the least manly of them all.

111. I know the hammered girl is sexy, but there’s nothing sexier than consent, bro. Think it through.

112. Play an instrument-any instrument. Very little is as dangerous as a nice smile and a ukulele. 

113. The declaration of “dib” is sacred. If violated, all bros in the vincinity reserve the right to fuck you up.

114. Don’t be discouraged by her pulling away, bro. I can almost guarantee she just wants you to chase her.

115. If you consider giving up on someone, you probably already have.

116. “Good morning” texts are legit. Surprise her with one every so often; I promise, she loves it.

117. The last thing you want to rub your lips against on a Friday night is a toilet. Drink responsibly. 

118. No girl has ever said, “it’s so hot when he texts me six times in a row!” Look less desperate. 

119. No matter what mood you’re in, no matter what kind of day you had, no matter where you are, smile.

120. If you bum more calories bragging about sex than you did having it, you’re doing it wrong.

121. Do anything and everything that you love to do, and you’ll be happy.

122. She wants to talk to you just as badly as you want to talk to her. She’s waiting for your text, bro. Go for it.

123. It’s your life. Don’t let anyone tell you how to live it.

124. Don’t cheat. Like, there’s no cute punchline to that. Just don’t do it.

125. Remember, persistence. Anything that comes easily in life is usually not worth doing. 

126. Get your own swagger. If how rad you are is made up of all your friends, it’s not how rad YOU are.

127. Don’t live like it’s your last day. That’s dumb. You’d be like, crying. Make today awesome and live like it’s today.

128. Not 18? Don’t do it, bro.

129. Grammar is sexy.

130. Statistically, there are millions of people out there who are looking for someone just like you.

131. Always be proud of who you are. Don’t back down from people telling you not to be.

132. Haters are like ants, bro. Yeah, they’re everywhere, but they’re way more afraid of you than you should be of them.

133. Life isn’t fair. Situations aren’t fair. Rock-paper-scissors, however, is infallible.

134. Since it’s impossible to not make mistakes, make the best mistakes possible.

135. Don’t settle for being “the next” anything. Be the first you, and everyone who follows can be the next you.

136. Some say flip a coin to makes decisions-not to get an answer, but because when it’s in the air, you’ll know what you’re hoping for.

137. Mustaches are legit. If you can’t grow a mustache, make sure your personality has a mustache.

138. If you think things changing sucks, compare it to the thought of everything always being the same.

139. Be so rad that if you got shot today it would be considered an assassination.

140. Stay positive, bro. There’s a reason facebook doesn’t have a “dislike” button.

141. If you’ve ever closed out of tumblr, opened a new tab, and went to tumblr, you have a problem.

142. Never say never, unless you’re saying “never say never.”

143. Be outgoing. No one’s looking for someone whose only traits are “shy” and “sad.”

144. Lying isn’t a good look for anyone.

145. If you’re unhappy in a relationship, reconsider it. You’re not married or like, kidnapped or something. Find someone as cool as you.

146. Don’t stress when people tell you that you’ve changed, bro. That just means you’re not who they want you to be.

147. Try to sum yourself up in a genre of music and decide if that’s who you want to be. People like radcore, but no one wants to listen to douche-tronica.

148. Call people out on their bullshit immediately. There’s too much of it in the world already. It’s verbal pollution. 

149. Write your will today, and makes absolutely sure it demands that your funeral is the sickest party of the year.

150. You’ll surprise yourself with what you’re capable of. If you bite off more than you can chew, fucking chew it anyway.

BroTips #51-100

51. If you’re walking in a group of three and there isn’t enough room for all of you, walk in front of them, not behind them. Alpha as fuck.

52. A lot of things that you think will make you a badass will make you a statistic. Choose your battles, bro.

53. Fear words in groups of four. See: “We need to talk.” “I missed my period.” “I just got saved.”

54. If she thinks your status is about her, she probably did something wrong.

55. Your favorite song +

56. Confidence is always key, regardless of what situation you’re in. If you believe you’ve got swagg, so will everyone else.

57. If there was a list of a hundred skills that might save your life one day, sexting is at least number two.

58. She’s dating you for a reason. If she wanted that dude, she’s be with that dude. Chill out, bro.

59. Chivalry? New concept: chill-valry. If she’s worth it, you be worth it. But guys who are always mr. white knight are tools.

60. Protect what’s yours.

61. If you realize you like someone, tell them. Before someone else does.

62. Currency exchange rate: an 8 at the bar is a 7 at the club, which is a 10 at your apartment but might be a 3 the next morning.

63. Know the difference between affection and pity. Both when giving and receiving. 

64. You may think that cutting your hair like Justin Bieber will make chicks dig you, but you may also think a lot of retarded things. 

65. Girls, understand that he might not text you while on a killing spree. Guys, understand that she might not fuck you if you ignore her.

66. There’s a difference between compromising and settling for less than you deserve. The difference is that one is something you should never do.

67. Chicks go crazy for beastly hugs. That one-armed shit makes you look like a little bitch.

68. Your jeans should never be tighter than your girlfriend’s. 

69. Try something new today. If you need an idea, refer to the number of this tip.

70. Whenever someone makes you choose between them or another person, it’s usually safer to go with the other person.

71. Don’t take out your frustrations on people that are there for you. No one should be punished for being your friend.

72. If you’re still bragging about yesterday, you must not’ve done very much today.

73. As soon as you realize that you fucked up, admit it. It’s hard to do, but everything will be tens times easier.

74. The amount of time someone spends talking shit is usually the opposite of the amount of time they spend doing shit.

75. Let these words die: “epic”, “brutal”, “moist”. Seriously, “moist” is a gross word.

76. Food is fucking delicious. Stop being a priss bitch about “calorie intake.”

77. There’s an overwhelmingly high chance your penis size is just as good as any. Dick pills < dick skills.

78.  Calm the fuck down.

79. “If you can’t bro it up with me when i’m out of juice, then you sure as hell don’t deserve to bro it up with me when i’m swaggin’.” -Marilyn Monbro

80. Suicide is never the answer. Your goal every day should be to stay rad as fuck and you can’t be rad by being dead.

81. Sometimes assuming is the difference between not getting laid on Friday and waking up with herpes on Saturday. Use judgement. 

82. As convincing as “it’s not what it looks like” is, it usually is what it looks like.

83. Never make decisions when you’re angry. Or horny.

84. Do us all a favor and never say “Tumblr famous” again.

85. Fuck shit up daily.

86. Whenever you do something awesome, look at whomever’s around and go, “top that.” It’ll be ten times as sick.

87. Being nice to people you aren’t a fan of isn’t being fake. It’s called growing up.

88. If you’re unhappy when you’re not in a relationship, you won’t be happy in one.

89. Stop trying to make fetch happen. It’s not going to happen.

90. Never yawn.

91. Insulting other people to make yourself look good is counterproductive.

92. Some people are just bad news. Even if you love them, they aren’t good for your life. Give them time to grow up.

93. You never know what’ll happen tomorrow. Carpe the fuck out of this diem.

94. If her name is Candy and her favorite artist is Ke$ha, she might not be the marring type.

95. Show everyone just how rad you are. There’s nothing as rare as someone who isn’t afraid to be themselves in front of the entire world.

96. Everyone has an addiction, but most of the time we call it something else. Don’t let yours keep you from being awesome. 

97. Sometimes, the answers to all of life’s problems is to throw down on the dance floor.

98. Curious about what’s happening at the mall? I’ll save you some time. Today’s forecast: 16 year old gangsters and the 13 year olds that fuck them.

99. Just a heads up: 90% of the things you worry about will never happen. 90% of the things that happen will have never occurred to you.

100. Being a bro has nothing to do with gender. If you’re always rad and forever legit, you’ve got what it takes.

BroTips #1-50
  1. There’s a 99% chance that you’re awesome. Act like it.
  2. Contrary to popular belief, polo is not “gangster”.
  3. If you notice that her inbox is always cleared, perhaps you should reconsider her honesty.
  4. We get it, you like to drink. No one needs to hear you repeat it four times a day.
  5. If you feel smugly superior because you’ve been on tumblr since before it was promoted, you should probably find a hobby.
  6. If you don’t stand by your standards, you don’t have any.
  7. Bitches love smiley faces.
  8. Don’t be so reserved. She’s not going to flirt with a brick wall all night.
  9. Man the fuck up.
  10. If you have to try to impress people, i’m afraid I have some bad news.
  11. Remember that your past is just that. The future is going to be delicious, bro. Embrace it.
  12. DON’T expect to meet your soulmate every time you walk through your door. One day, you will.
  13. If you like someone, say it. Don’t spend your time fantasizing about something that could be reality.
  14. Laying your phone is a bowl of rice helps if you dropped it in water. It’ll smell like Chinese take-out, but it’s worth it.
  15. Relationships are like dancing. Girls like a guy who can lead. Take teasing steps away and let her find a path to you.
  16. Don’t hook up with virgins. They don’t need you irreversibly altering their lives and you don’t need them following you around for two years.
  17. "I’m nice but girls won’t date me." Doing something nice to get something in return is called being manipulative. Grow a pair.
  18. Pick one day of the week where you commit to not doing anything.
  19. Who’s your best friend of the same gender? Would you bang this person? No? You finally understand the friend zone. Move on.
  20. They say they like nerds? That means they like attractive people in glasses. Don’t break out the yu-gi-oh cards just yet.
  21. Chicks dig guys that understand them, but not ones that act like them. Know the difference.
  22. We all know that person that’s way too happy in a relationship and miserable single. If not, you are that person, and you’re annoying.
  23. Like every day like you’re Glen Coco.
  24. Always trying to go against what people tell you gives them the same amount of control over you.
  25. If she cheated with you, she’ll cheat on you.
  26. One of the biggest violations of the bro code is to hit your girlfriend. That is never okay. Ever.
  27. The quiet ones are the kinkiest.
  28. Be careful what you wish for, bro. Remember, Simba “just couldn’t wait to be king”, then his dad got fucking DEALT with.
  29. Even the coolest status can be made uncool by ending it in “text ittt.”
  30. If you talk shit about everyone, the next thing you’ll be complaining about is not having any friends.
  31. Use a condom. Like, just do it.
  32. Don’t be that guy.
  33. We get it, you’re straight edge. Shut the fuck up about it.
  34. The only acceptable reason to let anyone tell you when or what to shave is if they’re putting their mouth there immediately afterwards.
  35. Very few people have only loved one person. I swear there will be others in your life.
  36. Be able to differentiate those who appreciate your beauty and those who want to take advantage of it.
  37. Once you graduate, move. Being 21 and still hanging around high school is only okay if you’re the janitor.
  38. Smiling suppresses the gag reflex. Ladies.
  39. Don’t do shit to be cool. Do shit because you are cool.
  40. Try not to push it. Have patience and give it time to work out. This advice applies to almost any situation.
  41. You’re not a success when people tell you you’re awesome. It’s when they start to hate that you know you have their attention.
  42. Before you do anything else today, learn how to open a bra. You’re welcome.
  43. Stop dating your bros’ exes. If you want their aftertaste that badly, you can just go blow them and get it fresh from the source.
  44. Real recognizes real. Stop and consider how many of your friends are starting to look “unfamiliar.”
  45. You don’t listen to enough music.
  46. If someone comes up to you and goes, “no offense, but…” Prepare to be REALLY fucking offended.
  47. Don’t look at it as casual sex. Look at it as you helping your friend have an orgasm.
  48. If sarcasm is the bottom level of wit, irony is subterranean. Doing things that aren’t cool to be cool is lazy, not clever.
  49. Do something for the first time every day.
  50. Playing guitar in public will never not make you a douchebag.